you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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