u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
