i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
