if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
