I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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