Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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