I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
