Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
