thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
