Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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