I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
MIDGETS
????
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
