Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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