I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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