Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I said "one day" and that day is not today
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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