A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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