Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
