I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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