I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize