I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
