what day is it and did you see me today?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We're too hungover to prance.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
