Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
