I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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