....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
