I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
