16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
