I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
