The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
