For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
