I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
