I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize