it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
