Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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