Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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