Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it was like eating out sand paper
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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