i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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