wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
