those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
