I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize