I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize