Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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