We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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