So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
