I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
