Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
