I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize