it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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