Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
