I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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