i dont even know how to be here
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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