I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sober January is a disaster.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
