If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
