I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize