All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
