you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
