what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How naked do you want me to be?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
