Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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