She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize