Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
