I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
