Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
